Since when was baseball so important that it could bump Seinfeld out of it's regularly scheduled rotation? I rely on Seinfeld to survive. It's more important to me than food, water, oxygen, and sex all rolled in to one. I have to watch it everyday on TBS at 5:00, then FOX at 7:30, then again at 11:30. And then on Fridays, TBS at 8:00 pm. All last week, all I got was my 7:30 and 11:30 doses.
I'm going crazy.
Then get this. Sopranos wasn't on at 3:00 pm twice this week. Instead, they played the idiot Cris Angel's stupid TV show. It's so obvious that guys a fraud. A 2 year old could point out the camera tricks. One continuous shot, my ass. Every single time he says "this is one continuous shot" they ALWAYS cut to a different camera at least twice during the trick. And if this guy is so good, why doesn't he do live shows or tours? Because he can't! He needs cameras and fake audiences to do his tricks. You're no David Copperfield, Cris. I take shits more magical than you.
Now check this out. Sex...With Mom and Dad on MTV. Hottest show ever. Now, I hate everything MTV stands for. Every show on that channel (excpet True Life) is a complete joke, but I swear to god. One of the chicks on this show was 16, so sexy (so what if she's 16? It's not like I'm trying to fuck her, I'm just talking) and had tits bigger than my head. They show her poolside in this skimpy bikini with her boobs hanging out. It was incredible, but why are they letting a 16 year old girl show her body off like this on TV? Then she's talking about these guys she slept with. I had to turn it off when I started imagining what it would have been like to be one of those guys.
I want my TV back. If TBS doesn't cancel baseball and A&E doesn't stop replacing the Sopranos with Miss Angel, I will fly to each channel's headquarters and smash everyones head with a tire iron.
Showing posts with label seinfeld. Show all posts
Showing posts with label seinfeld. Show all posts
Saturday, October 4, 2008
Monday, September 22, 2008
How Seinfeld Saved My Life
I am not a big TV watcher. I mean, of course I watch TV, but only a select few shows. It's hard for me to really get in to something new, and with most shows (besides reality TV which I hate), each season picks up where the last one left off. I like going in knowing everything, so I won't watch season 4 of Generic Crime Drama if I haven't seen seasons 1 - 3.
So I stick with the shows I do know. CSI (Vegas, I refuse to watch Miami because of David Caruso, and New York is just boring), House, Sopranos (thank you A&E), Family Guy, and then whatever else is on The History Channel, Discovery, Science Channel, Military Channel, or National Geographic. All those shows/channels are great, but I won't really make an effort to watch them during the day.
But there is one show that I will clear my schedule for. If I was a brain surgeon removing a tumor from a dying patient, I would put the scalpel down the minute this show came on.
That show is Seinfeld.
I grew up watching Seinfeld (yes, I grew up in the 90's. I'm only 21). My father was a fan since the pilot episode when the show was called The Seinfeld Chronicles and Kramer's name was Kessler. Every week, we would gather in the living room and sit tight for a lesson in hilariously simple comedy. Of course, I wasn't old enough to understand 90% of what they were talking about, but it still captured my attention.
I watched every episode the day it was aired. I didn't miss a single one.
Then comes high school. Seinfeld had long since been canceled (ok, not long, maybe 2 years) and I felt a huge void in my life. TV just wasn't the same. I actually had to spend time outside of the house with my friends, riding bikes and smoking pot and chasing girls. How could Jerry Seinfeld DO THAT TO ME?!
Yeah, so they played re-runs, but it wasn't the same. Plus, my story is more dramatic if we just forget re-runs ever existed, so can we do that? Thanks.
It came first as a rumor. Quiet whisperings on the internet about a SEINFELD DVD SET. 'No way,' I said. It won't happen. See, this was before TV on DVD box sets became a big thing. In fact, DVD players were still a big investment for some families.
(If you are with the FBI, please skip the next paragraph.)
It was also ironic because I was downloading all the episodes off of Morpheus and Kazaa and burning VCD copies of all the season. It was a huge undertaking, and really, I never made it past season 1. Actually, I never even got season 1 on a CD.
(FBI can start reading again.)
But then it happened. Major news sources started talking about Seinfeld DVD sets. I couldn't believe it! It was the best news I have heard since the fall of the USSR, and the crazy thing is, I don't remember ever hearing about that. I was 4 at the time, and I imagine someone had to tell me.
Me and my dad went out on a cold November day to Best Buy and we came home with a shiny cardboard box with 4 of our favorite comedians on it. We put the pristine DVDs in the 5 disc changer and pressed play.
I felt whole again. I had my Seinfeld back.
The show seriously has affected my life. I'm sure I'm not the only one who has things happen to them and you say to yourself 'I could totally see that being in a Seinfeld episode.' It's true. We all have those moments, and what is so amazing about it is usually they are the most boring and mundane moments in our day to day lives. Jerry Seinfeld made those moments mean something to us. He made them significant. In essence, he has enhance our lives, adding an extra 1% of enjoyment to the 4% of enjoyment we got out of our lives before him.
So, to conclude, I just want to say, thank you Jerry Seinfeld. You have made my life worth living.
So I stick with the shows I do know. CSI (Vegas, I refuse to watch Miami because of David Caruso, and New York is just boring), House, Sopranos (thank you A&E), Family Guy, and then whatever else is on The History Channel, Discovery, Science Channel, Military Channel, or National Geographic. All those shows/channels are great, but I won't really make an effort to watch them during the day.
But there is one show that I will clear my schedule for. If I was a brain surgeon removing a tumor from a dying patient, I would put the scalpel down the minute this show came on.
That show is Seinfeld.
I grew up watching Seinfeld (yes, I grew up in the 90's. I'm only 21). My father was a fan since the pilot episode when the show was called The Seinfeld Chronicles and Kramer's name was Kessler. Every week, we would gather in the living room and sit tight for a lesson in hilariously simple comedy. Of course, I wasn't old enough to understand 90% of what they were talking about, but it still captured my attention.
I watched every episode the day it was aired. I didn't miss a single one.
Then comes high school. Seinfeld had long since been canceled (ok, not long, maybe 2 years) and I felt a huge void in my life. TV just wasn't the same. I actually had to spend time outside of the house with my friends, riding bikes and smoking pot and chasing girls. How could Jerry Seinfeld DO THAT TO ME?!
Yeah, so they played re-runs, but it wasn't the same. Plus, my story is more dramatic if we just forget re-runs ever existed, so can we do that? Thanks.
It came first as a rumor. Quiet whisperings on the internet about a SEINFELD DVD SET. 'No way,' I said. It won't happen. See, this was before TV on DVD box sets became a big thing. In fact, DVD players were still a big investment for some families.
(If you are with the FBI, please skip the next paragraph.)
It was also ironic because I was downloading all the episodes off of Morpheus and Kazaa and burning VCD copies of all the season. It was a huge undertaking, and really, I never made it past season 1. Actually, I never even got season 1 on a CD.
(FBI can start reading again.)
But then it happened. Major news sources started talking about Seinfeld DVD sets. I couldn't believe it! It was the best news I have heard since the fall of the USSR, and the crazy thing is, I don't remember ever hearing about that. I was 4 at the time, and I imagine someone had to tell me.
Me and my dad went out on a cold November day to Best Buy and we came home with a shiny cardboard box with 4 of our favorite comedians on it. We put the pristine DVDs in the 5 disc changer and pressed play.
I felt whole again. I had my Seinfeld back.
The show seriously has affected my life. I'm sure I'm not the only one who has things happen to them and you say to yourself 'I could totally see that being in a Seinfeld episode.' It's true. We all have those moments, and what is so amazing about it is usually they are the most boring and mundane moments in our day to day lives. Jerry Seinfeld made those moments mean something to us. He made them significant. In essence, he has enhance our lives, adding an extra 1% of enjoyment to the 4% of enjoyment we got out of our lives before him.
So, to conclude, I just want to say, thank you Jerry Seinfeld. You have made my life worth living.
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