Saturday, October 4, 2008

You've Got To Be Kidding

Since when was baseball so important that it could bump Seinfeld out of it's regularly scheduled rotation? I rely on Seinfeld to survive. It's more important to me than food, water, oxygen, and sex all rolled in to one. I have to watch it everyday on TBS at 5:00, then FOX at 7:30, then again at 11:30. And then on Fridays, TBS at 8:00 pm. All last week, all I got was my 7:30 and 11:30 doses.

I'm going crazy.

Then get this. Sopranos wasn't on at 3:00 pm twice this week. Instead, they played the idiot Cris Angel's stupid TV show. It's so obvious that guys a fraud. A 2 year old could point out the camera tricks. One continuous shot, my ass. Every single time he says "this is one continuous shot" they ALWAYS cut to a different camera at least twice during the trick. And if this guy is so good, why doesn't he do live shows or tours? Because he can't! He needs cameras and fake audiences to do his tricks. You're no David Copperfield, Cris. I take shits more magical than you.

Now check this out. Sex...With Mom and Dad on MTV. Hottest show ever. Now, I hate everything MTV stands for. Every show on that channel (excpet True Life) is a complete joke, but I swear to god. One of the chicks on this show was 16, so sexy (so what if she's 16? It's not like I'm trying to fuck her, I'm just talking) and had tits bigger than my head. They show her poolside in this skimpy bikini with her boobs hanging out. It was incredible, but why are they letting a 16 year old girl show her body off like this on TV? Then she's talking about these guys she slept with. I had to turn it off when I started imagining what it would have been like to be one of those guys.

I want my TV back. If TBS doesn't cancel baseball and A&E doesn't stop replacing the Sopranos with Miss Angel, I will fly to each channel's headquarters and smash everyones head with a tire iron.

Friday, October 3, 2008

Unsinn Image

photo courtesy Unsinn Photography

Body Traffic

I refuse to ever go inside a grocery store again. Besides the fact that I want to buy everything I see because I always go when I'm hungry, I hate dealing with people who do not understand the dynamics of moving around in a grocery store.

For those of you this applies to, let me explain something.

The aisles are not very wide. At the most, they are about 5 or 6 feet wide. This is not enough room for your 3 foot wide cart and 4 foot wide ass to walk down the very middle of. Just like in real traffic (in a car and on the roads, in case you weren't sure), stay to your right, leaving the left hand side of aisle open for people coming the opposite way. Or, if you don't want to stay on the right, go the left side, it really doesn't matter. Just please, STOP WALKING DOWN THE MIDDLE.

If you refuse to do that, and you choose to walk down the middle of the aisle still, at least move out of the way for someone coming towards you. Is that too much to ask?

If you are walking down the aisle (hopefully on the right hand side) and you see someone is stopped on the left hand side looking at their potential dinner, DO NOT stop right next to them to look at your potential dinner. This makes it completely impossible for anyone else to get past you. All you have to do is walk an extra 3 feet past the stopped person, or stop 3 feet before that person, leaving an area open for the rest of us to get by.

I swear to god, I will kill the next person I see do either of these.

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

What is a 'Stock Market?'

I don't follow current events, except for when it has to do with a girl drinking pesticide in fear of black holes. Odd news is the only news I care about. So, when I hear constant talk about "pullouts," naturally, the first thing that comes to mind is...well, you get the idea.

I don't know what is going on with the stock market. And honestly, I don't even know if I am supposed to care. I don't care. But should I? Probably not. I don't own stocks. Why would I care if a market full of them crashes?

I do know that it will have repercussions in other areas I am involved with, but still, I can't seem to get myself to care.

Is it only in my slightly paranoid head that it seems ironic this comes right before an election? To be more specific, does it seem ironic that this comes right before Bush leaves office? Sabotage, maybe? Probably not, but it's fun to think about. If I was President and my 2nd term was coming to an end, I'd leave a giant mess for the next President to clean up. It'd be hilarious. Unfortunately, if this is Bush's idea of a joke, it's affecting all of us instead of the next Commander in Chief, whoever that unlucky man may be.

The words "Rome" and "burning" come to mind. Is history repeating itself?